I grew up believing that looks don't (shouldn't?) matter. Consequently, I dated a slew of (no offense) inconsequential-looking guys. I didn't hold my breath waiting for a hunk to ask me out, nor did I dream of anything earth shattering and lasting with a hottie. I gave chances to each guy who asked me out in the form of at least one date. I was nice to each and every one. Yes, even the Ugs. Simply because the adage You Never Know rang strong in me. (Although, to be frank, I am human: if they were too representative of Citizens of Ug, I couldn't take them seriously.)
Then, my ex happened. He didn't have, physically, anything I ever wished for: he wasn't that much bigger than me, he was short for a guy, he didn't have a masculine voice (think David Beckham), his shoulders were unimpressive to say the least. But he was NICE. He was sweet and thoughtful. He wasn't arrogant or egotistical. He had a sense of humour. He didn't check out other girls infront of me (or he didn't get caught doing it). He respected my culture, my roots and my comparatively traditional way of thinking.
We were together for 2 1/2 years and we were blissfully happy for almost all of it. I loved him, so much... and I can honestly say that it was reciprocated.
We broke up suddenly. I didn't see it coming; apparently, he'd been going through his own internal turmoil which came to light the Sunday morning he came by to break up with me. He needed to do it because he had just realised exactly HOW LONG we'd been together. I was his first girlfriend and he didn't know how to deal with the idea of "two and a half years". I wasn't asking or hoping for marriage, but he was feeling the pressure of commitment anyway.
After two and a half years, he realised the commitment was too much. When I asked him, "Why now, after all this time?", he replied helplessly: "I didn't think about it. It never occurred to me."
And then I thought, "Wow, think about how you'd feel if he realised this after FIVE years or something similar...". I reckon it was the shock talking.
This was quite a while ago and I have since gotten over the pain and betrayal. Surprisingly, now I have a much stronger sense of self-worth. You would think that I'd come out of this with insecurity issues, but I believe in myself so much more now. I believe I deserve better than that. I believe I Deserve It All. The love, the commitment, the trust, the friendship, the companionship, and yes, the physical attraction.
I must admit, though, that while I have long-since forgiven my ex for his weaknesses (his youth?), I have also come out of that relationship with a sense of mild contempt for men in general: even a genuinely nice guy like him can break my heart. I had to let go of the popular stereotype that "only the blatantly good-looking ones can and will do that". Men are, regardless of their physicaly extrerior, human. And every human has the capacity to screw up, and screw you over.
So this is my current philosophy on dating: if a nice-but-unhot man can be an asshole as much as the nice hunk, then I might as well date the nice hunk. I have been doing this and trust me, it's not been a disappointing experience. Now that I allow myself to want the nice, attractive ones, I actually get them. Yes, they exist. Stereotypes of handsome JERKS are true to a large degree, but you'd be surprised at how many hot SWEETEHARTS are out there, too.
Like... the reasoning behind this philosophy is, until he fucks up, I would've had much fun enjoying him physically. I know this sounds dirty but it's not meant to be. I know I sound bitter/cynical...and I am, but only to a certain extent. I implore you, think about it.
If two products are generally going to perform the same, then why not opt for the prettier version? It'd look better on your arm (and feel better in your arms) until the expected shitty end. And if there IS no shitty end, just a happy ending, well, you struck it lucky. You got a happy ending with the more aesthetically-pleasing model than the basic 1.0 version.
You know how they say that "nice guys finish last"? I suspect that people say that to refer to the less-than-amazing looking specimens of nice men. And I completely disagree: I have never been into arrogance, and I don't do Bad Boys. There is complete disinterest. A man's personality and inherent goodness is the be-all and end-all for me. Looks don't matter, and I mean that to my bones. However. Until I find a man who is good enough on the inside, I won't stop myself from appreciating and/or pursuing those that are good on the outside.
