Let me discuss a matter that has been on my mind for yonks. The whole finding someone and being in a relationship thing is actually pretty difficult when you think about it. Which I have. Over the years I have fine-tuned my hypothesis (which means it is subject to correction), and currently, this is how I think things work in the World of Lurve. It appears to operate by chance/possibility and a process of elimination. Below is the breakdown:
First: eliminate the sex you are uninterested in (50% of the population down).
Second: eliminate the ones of unsuitable ages
Third: further eliminate the ones whom you are never going to meet (eg those existing in another social/economic circle, or another country)
Fourth: eliminate the ones of a differing sexual orientation
Fifth: eliminate the ones who are not married/have significant others, ie, are actually still available
Sixth: eliminate the ones who are "not at the right time in their lives", ie, unwilling to de-single-ify, or still damaged from previous relationships.
Seventh: actually, for reals, bump into and meet the men/women in question.
Eighth: eliminate the ones who have habits /characteristics / beliefs that you cannot abide by. (I would give examples from personal experience...but I won't for fear of offending. Common ones include things like smoking, extreme religious beliefs, alcoholism, lack of ambition, laziness, disgusting friends, horrible mothers...)
Ninth: eliminate the ones who cannot abide by YOUR habits / characteristics / beliefs. (Eg, you're too high-maintenance, too hot-tempered, too nice [I know, this isn't a typo], too bitchy, live too far away...)
[Notice how I did not include anything about how you should be lucky enough to meet someone with traits that you WANT, like the usual funny-smart-kind bullcrap. Dating around has taught me this: just because you have a list of traits you wish your future mate has, and you actually meet him and go out with him, the things you hate about him (and vice versa) will eventually drive you apart. I have now ditched my Dream Man list (it now comprises only of one item: My man must love me to bits.) in favour of a He Must Not list, which, tragically, grows with every man I date. I am convinced that one of the secrets to long-lasting relationships (besides love, duh) is the magical union of two people who just happen to be able to tolerate the other's shortcomings or eccentricities.]
Tenth: eliminate the ones you are physically unattracted to. Seriously. You have no idea how hard it is to make yourself kiss or hold hands with or even just look at someone who does not rock your yummy boat--unless of course, like me, you were once young and idealistic and wanted to believe that it's not about looks with you. Look. Once is bad. But imagine doing it forever just because you think you'll get used to it or "grow to like it". *shudder*
Eleventh: eliminate the ones who are physically unattracted to you. Because no one should ever be afflicted with having to bear the discomfort of extreme physical proximity or exchanging bodily fluids with someone who does not make their blood run hot. And, excuse my French, but no one deserves to be the Pity F**k.
[ Perfect on paper doesn't mean you'll actually be physically attracted to him, or vice versa. Shit happens, ya know? Also, as you know by now, I am a firm believer that physical attraction is central in actually getting a relationship started in the first place. Yes: I know it almost surely fades after that initial burst, but you need it to actually 100% want to be with the guy at first! Kudos and a congratulatory toast to those who are exceptions.]
According to my very professional calculations, after running it through the mill, we are each left with what seems to be a grand total of *drum roll please*
-43% of the population! Lovely.
All in all, a very depressing picture. I can barely fathom the magnitude of how crazy-hard it must've been for me to have met and ended up with my previous boyfriends. But it happened.
Now here is my question: If finding love were a game of (freaking slim) chances, why the hell are there so many couples out there?
(1) Is it that (*gasp*) it's really not as difficult as I think it is? I dunno. I have mulled over it and discussed it with friends (single and taken), and my arguments make more sense.
(2) Is it, as some of my un-single friends suggest, because it's all up to fate? I am sorry, but I think that's bull. I mean, sure, I think stuff like Fate can be real...but somehow if you blame everything on Fate then it just strikes me as merely being an excuse used to comfort ourselves when things go wrong in Life.
(3) Is it simply because there are a helluva lot of lucky people out there? I raise a sceptical, sceptical eyebrow.
(4) Is it because it's too lonely out there and many of these coupled up people have decided not to be picky? Like, just take whomever hits on them until a better one comes along, and so on and so forth until they meet someone who'll be with them til death do them part? A possibility, but still unfair to stereotype them so. (See, I know heaps of couples who are actually happy together and love each other.) Besides, how on earth did these people MEET each other in the first place, factoring in the problems I discussed above? I don't get it. It completely befuddles me.
