"Disdain each other? I don't disdain you! On the contrary, I dain you!"
And in a post from Gofugyourself, the writer, when pretending to be Paris Hilton, wrote "But seriously, prison was a total epitome for me, Diary. For one thing, it expanded my vocabulation -- Bitchmaster Nunchucks taught me "epitome" while we were in the yard one day writing poems about homeless people. It means... shoot, I forget."
Then there's when Oprah (I think it was her) coined the very apt term "the Ugly Cry".
And who can forget this classic from 10 Things I Hate About You: "I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?"
All gave me heehee moments.
On the other hand, you see things happening around you that point in the direction of speakers' TOTAL IGNORANCE. By GOD I walk around in countries where English is supposedly the national language and there are horrendous errors splattering their accusatory blood all over the place--coming out of people's mouths, written on signboards, in university-level research papers, in magazines (hardcopy and the online versions), even real movie titles (Two Weeks Notice?? People, it's either Two Weeks of Notice, or Two Weeks' Notice. Gaahhh.). It makes me die a little inside. Every time.
This isn't some tirade against people who don't speak English as their first language. Nor is this some snobby holier-than-thou setdown, although I am sure it sounds like one. I just can't STAND it when people who should know better make ignorant ,basic mistakes. And I think this is largely because of TV. People learn a lot of their language from TV now, instead of through reading. And what I've been noticing is that alot of people now tend to write as they speak. So many words which sound the same are written the same as well--people just don't realise that they are different words. For example, "its bigger then me". (Two errors there alone, but I won't deal with the missing apostrophe today as that is another battle altogether.)
There's also this little gem: "In order to illicit a response, ..." I was not sure how to react when I saw this. Bang my head against the wall to distract myself from these waves of disbelief and frustration? Console myself that "at least she/he knows this word in the first place", misused and misunderstood as it was?
People also tend to spell based on what a word sounds like--and we all know how English is not the best language with which to try that stunt. Another very common example: "I will definately do it." Oh. My. GOD.
And the increasingly common "your welcome, it was my pleasure". This one, oh this one, it never fails to get my hackles up. This is basic knowledge, and yet!! Let me tear my hair out, please. I am too choked up with negative emotion to decribe the angst burning through my veins.
I'll have you know that all the examples given above were from actual research papers submitted by top university students--so you can't even fabricate an excuse of "maybe it's informal writing" to account for such ignorance/negligence. And they speak no other language but English. (The last one, "your welcome", was also seen on an official welcoming signboard at a popular tourist destination in Perth, Western Australia--I think it was along the lines of "your welcome to walk around...".)
Which goes to show, really, that almost all ESL organisations worldwide are up in the darkness that is their own bumholes when they operate by policies to only hire white people (preferably. if you're a Coloured you'll be considered as well, but only if you were born and bred in one of the Big Five: America, Canada, UK, South Africa, Australia) to teach because they (and the rest of the world) are under the impression that you can only have true expertise in the language if you are of the right colour or if your birth certificate carries the right Country of Birth. Brilliant marketing ploy, since the entire world is still ensnared by the (post-?)effects of colonialism. Illogical but powerful thing, this White Supremacy. Sometimes I even catch myself operating along that belief system even though I definitely know better--I guess it's because you're immersed in it from birth. Again, this is another story and I digress.
The influence of slang on spoken English is something that cannot be helped. In fact, I actually think it is something that invigorates any language and helps with their development, although admittedly some of the colloquial terms I've come across in English have made me highly uncomfortable (such as the tacking on of the plural 's' onto the 2nd person you, forming yous, in Australian English). So anyway. Ebonics is something I just can't work out, but it is really something. Almost like a whole other language, but maybe that's because I'm too old? Heh. It sounds quite cool actually, and what I like is that it takes full control and pride in itself. You sense no shame; it does not give others opportunity to belittle its culture, as is often seen in other non-standard forms of English. Also, the whole hiphop/rap culture is seriously the "cool culture" right now: if you can decipher the songs played repeatedly on the radios, you'll hear that it's patently obvious in the lyrics--subversive slang is being made mainstream.
However. A song was released recently: "The Way I Are" by Timbaland. When I heard the title, I felt faint. All of me, all of me just shriveled up in abject horror and consummate physical and mental pain, screaming "I'm melting, I'm meltinggggggg oh GOD take it awayyyyy"...and then I started bopping to the song. I didn't want to on principle. But I had to. You can't say no to its beat. I felt like I was cheating on my husband with the hot, adorably stupid poolboy.
I am sure young people everywhere who like this ridiculously catchy song will use, or are already using, this "I are" combination in their daily speech. I know it because I was a teenager not too long ago myself, and if I were not so horrified with this, I would probably use the phrase with glee (the reasons for which I shall leave to psychotherapists and sociolinguists out there). And I am helpless to do anything about it--talk about the unstoppable forces of media.
Sure, I sound like a pedantic nutcase, but everyone has their "thing". And un-fun, un-funny abuse of language is mine. So every time I feel that I need to be in a safe, dependable place where glaring errors won't jump out unexpectedly to stab my soft underbelly, I go to one these places:
- Online international newspapers
- TV or Radio broadcast of foreign language news (then I won't have to think about anything other than how lovely other languages sound)
- My collection of favourite books (because books are immortalised in print and can never suffer changes from their grammatical perfection)
- Gofugyourself - this is the most entertaining website, and they have the most impressively consistent, delightfully mistake-free collection of bitchy ramblings! I recommend it to all!
